THEbed
Okay as the weeks go by other than the arrival of our new favorite person, the one thing I'm looking forward to most is putting the nursery together! I mean who wouldn't love new furniture and fun color, art & lighting projects! It's so overwhelmingly fun. But right now those working hardest are my dad and Matt's stepmom Jill. Below are some pics of my dad working on our crib! The rails are going to be white but the ends are going to be capped with a chunky boarder stained espresso, it's kind of hard to imagine I know but there will be more pictures to come of the bed and the bedding!
168days
One more week as passed and this last month has just flown by. It's been so much better than the previous month when it seemed to just drag on and on. I finally have a little bump that Matt and I enjoy giving a little rub each morning as we smile and remember how lucky we are to finally see our greatest dream coming true. So we have 24 weeks left, that's right only 6 months left!!!! We are less than a month from finding out what the sex of our baby is and could not be more excited. I'll either be finding a way to prepare for scary words like "PINK" and the idea of dresses, bows and oh my gosh....LACE? Or preparing myself for "boy stuff" like dirt, bugs and sports out the butt. Either way it will be crazy fun to get ready for this new little person! We've went shopping this weekend to look for our last major purchase a glider and ottoman. My dad is building our crib fashioned after an awesome modern crib I found and Matt's stepmom is making all our bedding and it's going to be so awesome! We didn't buy the chair yet but this is the chair we're looking at but the color will be more in the lime green family nothing to loud or shocking but definitely lime green! Our nursery colors, boy or girl are teal, espresso and lime green. The crib will be white with the espresso accents, the changing table is white and the bedding is a combination of all the colors! I can't wait to know where we are going to be living so I can start thinking through and visualizing the room setup! I also have some fun and funky (you know me) lighting ideas that will be a perfect accent to our babies room!
FEELINGpretty
This is a nod to another blog I used to have were I shared more of my inner thoughts, feelings, confusions, frustrations and well you get the picture. I was amazed by the number of people who looked forward to reading them and saw them as a source of confidence to ask questions about their faith or feelings and realized that it's normal. So I'm having one of those days really yesterday sucked because the plotter I use at work blew an ink line and literally hemorrhaged cyan ink all over me, my friend Celeste and a few other co-workers as well as the carpet....so I was hating the idea of work today, but then I was scrolling through iTunes looking for something I hadn't listened to in a while, and I came across a song that I think speaks my heart more so than any other song I've ever heard. It's called Beautiful by Bethany Dillion.
The whole song is perfect and I could go on and on about each line but there's a specific part that always gets my heart all knotted up, it goes like this... "...sometimes I wish I was someone other than me. Fighting to make the mirror happy. Trying to find whatever is missing. Wont you help me back, to glory. I want to be beautiful. Make you stand in awe. Look inside my heart and be amazed. I want to hear you say, "who I am is quite enough", just want to be worthy of love. You make me beautiful. You make stand in awe. You step inside my heart and I am amazed. I love to hear you say," who I am is quite enough". You make me worthy of love and beautiful..."
I have spent 100% of my teenage and adult life obsessing about my self image and for what reason? Nobody around me cares what I look like. Do they? I would love to believe that every person I call friend or even acquaintance would never judge my body or look but I'm sure they do and so that lack of faith in my friends causes me to once again turn to the mirror in horror of the person looking back at me. I've been spending a lot of time thinking through this in the last few months, with arrival of a new son or daughter, I need to be in a good place and for me a huge part of that is getting over the image hurdle, and it's something that I definitely do not want to pass on to my kids I want them to be confident no matter what they look like.
So I ask my self how can I feel pretty how do you find that? I see woman walking down the street at the mall or in Mockingbird Station wearing clothes I would never wear and they are larger women, and I just look at them and wonder where the crap does the confidence come from? How can I get it? I want to be beautiful inside and out. I've worked really hard over the last 10 years to better the person I was on the inside and really that involved putting a lot of anger from my past behind me so that the real me, the loving, compassionate, overly emotional, kind person could come out. So that leads me to ask....
Why was I able to let those damaging things from my past go so I could be beautiful on the inside but I struggle so bad to be able to let go of what keeps me from feeling beautiful on the outside? I know in the song she's singing to God but for me I feel like my heart sings that to the world, and I hate that it does. I wish I didn't care about what the world thought, but I do and I think most people do and it's okay to want to beautiful on the outside I don't think it makes you vein or inappreciative of what God gave you it makes you, it makes me human.
176daysI have 26 weeks left and am 35% through the pregnancy....sigh why can't we have a gestation period like dogs 63 days, that's pretty awesome! So the Furman's want another sono pic and the McKay's are asking for prego pics. Unfortunately at our last appointment the sono pic we got doesn't look like much, live and in action it was quite amazing but the picture just looks like a fuzzy black and white tv. As far as prego pics, I don't look pregnant at this point just fat as I did before I got pregnant so it will be several weeks before I start taking pictures! If you looked at this post last week, you saw a black and white picture of a baby, I'm just tired of looking at the picture everytime I pull the blog off so I decided to pull it....hopefully we'll have new pictures to post soon!
182days That's right only 182 days left until our little person arrives. It may sound crazy as long as we've waited for this miracle to happen but we are so ready for little dude or dudete to be here! We are so anxious for the next 6 months so many changes to come and the only thing we know about where we'll be living or what we'll be doing is that at the end of it we'll be parents!
FINDINGpeace
Well, as most of you know Matt and I had our second appointment today and it started a little rocky but everything was fine. They couldn't find the heartbeat so I quietly freaked out as they brought the sonogram machine in but the dr. found our little one quickly and she said there were three factors to why we couldn't hear anything, one my bladder was crazy full, two it's only the early end of being able to hear it anyway and three the little dude was literally doing flips in there kicking like crazy and looked at us and in 2 seconds was mooning us...it was sweet. I wish we could have heard the heartbeat but we got to see "it" again and that's enough for me.
Our next appointment is February 7 and she said we would definitely get to hear the heartbeat then and once we return from New York (my amazing Christmas & anniversary present from daddy-2-be) we will have our 20 week sonogram and find out the sex of the baby.
On that note I have to admit we are like most people extremely curious and excited about finding out the sex of our baby mainly so we can stop calling it "it" and call the little one by it's name it is human after all and deserves to be called something other than "it" right? :o) Anyways so I looked at this Chinese Lunar Calendar thing and this other predictor I forgot the name of on one of many baby sites I visit daily and both predicted a boy so we're anxious to find out if it's true our hearts just yearn for a happy and very healthy baby boy or girl this will be one very loved child! Only 185 days to go!
SIMPLEthings Matt and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary and while the last 8 years have been a beautiful time it's really this next year that we are looking forward to, for obvious reasons! We gave each other cards last night and it was so fun to read them and see that we had said almost the exact same things to each other. I thought it's the simpliest thing but it's so cool that we're definitely on the same page in our love, hope and dreams for each other.
It was a mixed emotion evening though as I talked with a sweet friend of mine a few hours earlier and had found out she had miscarried she was only a week or so behind me. Anxiety and sadness took over my mind and I thought I can't wait until Thursday to hear the heartbeat. A heartbeat itself is an amazing complex thing but the idea that just hearing for a few moments and that will calm all fears and anxieties is so simple and I'm reminded that it's those simple little acts of love, friendship, kindness, support and sometime the workings of a machine that can change our world, literally, in a heartbeat.
Then today I got an email from my dad he sent me this little clip that showed two penguins one was walking by the other and the one standing still just reach up and hit the one walking and it went face first into the water, I laughed my ass off it's so simple but I think part of me thought I bet there's a few time I'd like to do that to someone but the other part of it was just happiness and with my heart so full of anxiety about tomorrow it was this simple little clip that provoked not only this post but a time of laughter and fun that I definitely needed. Thanks dad!
BEYONDimagination
" The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
Most of you if not all of you know by now that matt and I have FINALLY been blessed with the best miracle ever. I mean this trumps our wedding day by 10 at least! So here's a picture of the newest future memeber of our family.
It's so hard to even comprehend this. For thos of you who have known us for any number of years probably know the struggles we've had with illnesses and infertility. Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine that we would be so blessed.
So our little one is due to arrive July 15 and for us it just can't come soon enough! We just began the 2nd trimester and I'm am feeling amazing. We go to the doctor on Jan. 11 and get to hear the heart beat, which I cannot even begin to imagine. Check back soon for more pictures of our newest member and updates on the pregnancy and other events soon to come in our lives!
