Monday, November 19, 2007

I write today with a sad and broken heart.....we went to have our sonogram this morning to see how sapling #2 was doing and there was no heart beat. The doctor kept checking and checking at every angle but there was no beat just a sweet looking baby curled up like it was just sleeping. Of course they can never explain why this happens especially at the gestational period but tomorrow morning I go in to have a DNC and they'll have the tissue sent off to make sure there was nothing crazy going on. I am filled with a million different emotions the two prominent ones being sadness and guilt. Of course I know I did nothing to cause this but I feel very guilty for my shitty attitude about the pregnancy over the past weeks. I never wished it wasn't happening but had my moments of self pity realizing how hard this was going to be. So I will no doubt have my days or weeks of tears but I am excited about the life that is ahead of us and even though it was only the pregnancy that brought us back to Texas we are still happy about being here near friends and family especially with the upcoming births of Dealey's two cousins....I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving...much love and hugs.....

12 comments:

Aron & Suz said...

my sweet and wonderful friend, i'm just heartbroken for you all. i cannot imagine what you must be feeling, but i want you to know that you are not alone, that i am here in any way you need me. i can watch D when you get back from Austin so you can get some alone time if you need it. i am hear to talk. to listen. i love you!

Allison & Jason said...

Oh, sweet Rachel. I'm so terribly sorry, and heartbroken for you.

If we can do anything at all to help... to listen, to get you guys settled, to cook you dinner, just let us know.

It's a unique kind of heartbreak... you were there for us, before - and we'll always be here for you.

Andi and Michael said...

Oh, Kitty, I am so sorry. Know my prayers are with you and Matt. Also know that I am here for anything at all that you need. Hugs.

Shealynn Benner said...

Oh, sweetie! I am so very sorry to hear this news. :( My heart aches and is broken for you both! You will definitely be in my prayers, and you have my email if need be. Email me, and I can give you my number. Kisses from me!

Dave and Gloria said...

Rachelkitty, we are so sorry. We love your little baby, and we're grieving along with you. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug...

Kim and JD said...

Sweetie, we are so sorry and so saddened, we will keep all of you in our thoughts and prayers. I hope you can try to have a great Thanksgiving and that D keeps your days bright !!
We love you...

Brad and Tammy said...

Matt and Rachel,
Know that you both are in our prayers daily.

Steve and Shan said...

Rachel--Steve and I are so saddened by this news. I can't imagine what you and Matt must be feeling. Know that we are praying for you guys.

The Craftypigs said...

A year ago exactly, I went through the same thing. I know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel. We're here for you. Rejoice and know that all is in His hands....even your saddness.

patti said...

hey friends...we are thinking of you right now and know if you need anything don't hesitate. big hugs

David, Amelia & Jacob said...

I am so saddened by your news, but at the same time I'm glad it's now and not much farther along in your pregnancy. You know sometime the old saying is true that "when God closes a door, he opens a window" it is true, very true. I know exactly what you are going through, but you've got to remember that there are TONS of people who love you and care about you. We are all here to support you and know that you can call on anyone of us at any give n moment for support of any kind. I think I told you once... call me girl, I'll do anything for you from clean your toilet to vacum your floor! I love you to pieces. Hugs to family from ours. Love, the Linde's.

W, M & Z said...

Rachel ~ I'm just now reading your post (12/22) and send you love and warm hugs. I hope being back in TX has found you surrounded by your core group of support. xo ~M