It is difficult to live in the present, ridiculous to live in the future, and impossible to live in the past.
Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.

talentless. have you ever wished you were something or somebody else? had something others had not in an obsessive or envious way but just curious what it would be like? i wish i could be ordinary. i long to not be tortured and drug down by an endless number of creative ideas. i wish i could ask other people how to do stuff instead of knowing how to do so much. i wish i was talentless. even if for a day. i've joked for months about making a tshirt that said talentless so people would never ask me anything. not sure if it would actually work but i think it's time for that tshirt to become a reality before the insanity of my creative mind drives me over the edge. i am now at the point where i can barely sit still to even write this post i have to be doing something every minute of every day. i've heard it's the minds way of coping with anxiety but i don't know if it's healthy just seems a bit maddening at the moment. what would you want to change about yourself if you could be something or someone different for a day?

I SURVIVED my first sunday football game....but only because we were joined by a few friends they made it bareable, so thank you friends. I have lots to write but can't seem to find the patience to sit down and let it out. so here's a short version. therapy seems to be going no where fast but i'm not giving up and meds still aren't working but my psychiatrist now believes they misdiagnosed the depression and anxiety and i'm actually bipolar. it's a hard truth to swallow but really right now i just want to get my meds right so i can feel better and feel like rachel again. i fear it may destroy my whole world if i don't find some answers soon, some people are being rather impatient and i just feel like a failure......and so we begin another week taking one day at a freaking time.