Yesterday Deals and I ran away to New Mexico to escape reality for a bit. I can't really explain why it felt so necessary but it was. However as life would have it to be reality followed us here. I suppose it's in a good way seeing that we potentially have a home but the stress of it all has left me bewildered and scared both normal feelings I suppose but I hate that I can't be excited about it. Anyways, there are moments I wish I could run away forever but that wouldn't be fair to Matt or Deals so I'll continue to make strides to work through each day because life is going to continue to happen and I cant' shut down every time it does.....Here's some recent pics of Deals he's growing like crazy it should be interesting stats at his 6 month check up.

I write today with a sad and broken heart.....we went to have our sonogram this morning to see how sapling #2 was doing and there was no heart beat. The doctor kept checking and checking at every angle but there was no beat just a sweet looking baby curled up like it was just sleeping. Of course they can never explain why this happens especially at the gestational period but tomorrow morning I go in to have a DNC and they'll have the tissue sent off to make sure there was nothing crazy going on. I am filled with a million different emotions the two prominent ones being sadness and guilt. Of course I know I did nothing to cause this but I feel very guilty for my shitty attitude about the pregnancy over the past weeks. I never wished it wasn't happening but had my moments of self pity realizing how hard this was going to be. So I will no doubt have my days or weeks of tears but I am excited about the life that is ahead of us and even though it was only the pregnancy that brought us back to Texas we are still happy about being here near friends and family especially with the upcoming births of Dealey's two cousins....I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving...much love and hugs.....

Okay so I've been a neglectful mother this week and am two days past posting Dealey's 5 month pictures. It's been a busy week, however we've found some good prospects for houses one that may just be perfect! So this week we have a few dr. appointments before heading to Austin to cook Thanksgiving! Lots of new stuff happening will blog about it later (maybe :o) Dealey has successfully eaten peaches, sweet potatoes & pears, next is squash, he's a good eater and is excitingly close to sitting up on his own we still have a few balance issues to work through but I expect any day he'll shock us! He's getting big and refuses to sit in his bumbo chair straight so feeding can sometimes be "interesting" for lack of a better word!

: Yum Yum Eat'em Up :

Well, much to Dealey's dismay we finished up our week of peaches yesterday. I was wondering this morning as I unwrapped the containers of sweet potatoes, oh crap, what if he doesn't like this? What if he doesn't like veggies? Well my fears were soon put to rest as my good eater scarfed down his half container of sweet potatoes and I mean scarfed. He looked like a baby bird sitting there with his mouth open, I couldn't spoon it fast enough. I don't know why but I was timid in starting the foods I know mainly it was because of the move and the stress of that I didn't want to start something new right now but our skinny little man needs a few more calories in his diet so he can chunk it up a bit! So I sucked it up and it's been a blast!

Also sadly our stay at the ZaZa ends tomorrow but it's an exciting day as well because we will be going by Matt's new job to fill out insurance papers, W4's, etc. I was silently worried about this and am so happy that one of the biggest needs, income, is under control. Now we just have to find a house and buy another car. We have plans to view several houses this weekend and would love to find the perfect place but realize it may take a bit of time. We're looking forward to relaxing some and spending the holidays with our families and hopefully welcoming Dealey's cousin Ella any day!!!!

I think in this last one he's wondering if he can lick the container, he didn't believe us that it was all gone.....

Peaches 4 U : Peaches 4 Me

: Peaches 4 the whole world to see :

Dealey loves peaches! He had a daddy night last night while I was out with my girlfriends (recaps of some gut busting conversations to come...hee...) and Matt said he couldn't get enough peaches! He's a good eater not sure what we'll try next a veggie of some sort maybe squash! Isn't our D the cutest I just love his facial expressions! Our little hair challenged lady killer is turning into a little boy and we couldn't be more excited!

Oh....it's real....

What you ask, well everything, we've gotten moved back to Texas and I have officially seen the new little friend growing inside me! It was a long trip back to Dallas D didn't love it as much as he did going up there and now he HATES his car seat with a fiery passion. But we made it with all our crap in tow. I told Matt while we were driving that the next time we decided to take a 4 month vacation from Texas we should just leave all our stuff here...hee....

So for now we are living the posh life at Hotel ZaZa and seriously I could live here and not just because someone comes and cleans my room, bathroom and makes the bed everyday but it's just so comfy. I thought our bed was sweet it's crap compared to what we're sleeping on right now! We will have the final word on Matt's new job Friday but it's looking awesome and it such a dream come true for him it's a place he's always wanted to work and a promotion from his current job! We have lots of dr. appointments coming up but it looks like I'll be having the circlage surgery Nov. 26 with a short week of bed rest but after that there is high hopes I'll be able to stay mobile and active through the pregnancy which thrills me since we'll be getting settled in a new home!

I've had such mixed emotions about moving back to Texas....did we fail? No of course not although I would have never considered Texas the prize for anything. But what is most important is Dealey, ? & quality of life and Texas offers one thing now other city can, family and as a bonus about 100 friends we love dearly! The thing we keep reminding ourselves of is that we're not stuck in Texas forever but for the next 4 or 5 years it's the place for us!

In other news Dealey is starting peaches tomorrow morning I'm terrified and super excited all in one breath hopefully we won't totally destroy our hotel room...hee...I'm actually thinking I may set him in the shower in his bumbo chair so any food that goes flying can be easily washed away! Because with little spastic arm boy you never know what's going to go flying next! Sono pic and pics of Dealey eating peaches to come!