do everything passionately

2011-09-26T07:12:00.000-07:00

The beginning of the beginning....I thought I might start blogging again as I embark on an adventure of renovations in our house. I wouldn't say they are necessarily necessary renovations but lets be honest we all get bored with our houses and for me I always see a space as a blank canvas for awesomeness. For me the first part of renovation is color. I think it's the one thing most people are scared of, but it's so important. From your pallet you can define every surface. I stumbled across this site (www.design-seeds.com) a few weeks ago that finds beautiful and inspiring color pallets from photographs. So I took two pallets "Temple Doors" & "Spiced Neutrals" and made my own custom color pallet. Stay tuned as you watch how I pull each color into a multitude of different pieces and surfaces! Here's to a time or renovation fun!

2011-05-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

A VERY HAPPY EARLY MOTHER'S DAY : Today at Dealey's school they had a mom appreciation brunch and part of something they did for us was to interview the kids and have them answer questions about Mommy...Dealey's teacher Mrs. Shannon said it was like interviewing someone on Saturday Night Live as Dealey thought he and every answer was hysterical....

Q. How old is your mommy?
A. 30 (he was by far the most accurate of any kid although I think I'd like it better if he thought I was somewhere in the range of 4-14 like all the other moms)

Q. Mommy's favorite food is?
A: Chocolate Cherry Cookies
(I'm not sure where he got this from, but we did make cherry chocolate chip cookies together last week so I guess that's fresh in his mind)

Q. My mommy always says...
A. I don't know (seriously he told Mrs. Shannon I am always saying I don't know and he's so right! It's got to be better than pretending I know anything.)

Q. My mommies favorite thing to do with me is...
A. Take me to church (He likes to make me sound good I guess, although we have been spending a lot of time with our new Life in Deep Ellum family lately.)

Q. I love my mommy because...
A. You're silly Mrs. Shannon, I Just Do!!!

My sweet boy just warms my heart and drives me crazy all in one breath. After wondering for years if I'd ever get to celebrate Mother's Day it's now a necessary reminder that despite the frustrations of parenting and the sometimes bipolar attitudes that are being flung around the room, I am blessed beyond measure to have two beautiful and healthy boys!

2011-01-21T09:36:00.000-08:00

2010-12-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

eleven months and I'm 6 days behind on posting it, that should tell you what kind of crazy month this has been! Cohen is doing everything he should be doing and more, he's such a joy, eats like a mad man and smiles so much. I didn't realize how much he'd grown this month until I saw the picture. It matches up with food consumption for sure!

2010-11-11T11:16:00.000-08:00

10 months old! So I see a pattern of only one post a month. I wonder what will happen after Cohen turns one and I stop doing the monthly pics?! Well, my little man is awesome he's 10 months old today a chatter box when he wants to be and a human garbage disposal doesn't even seem to quite describe his food consumption. Glad to have a good eater but man. I think a Sam's or Cosco membership is in the near future for sure. Cohen is coasting around furniture with confidence and we're all taking bets on when he'll walk, my parents think Thanksgiving, but I'm think Christmas. I'm sure he'll do something in between just to spite us all. I didn't realize until I put the picture in how much his hair had grown and though it doesn't look it he has grown he just won't sit up straight. Enjoy! only 2 months until the big 1 year old, I can't wait for the party!

2010-10-12T08:31:00.000-07:00

NINE MONTHS! And oh so cute. My Mr. Smiley is still smiling and we love it! It's been a rough month of teething. You can see he's got two bottom ones in fully, but he has at least 4 other breaking through (that I can see). He's jabbering away and crawling like a man with a mission. Pulling up and coasting on furniture I think we'll be taking steps before we know it! Here's he's nine month bumbo and few other sweet pics.

2010-09-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

What's Cooking? In anticipation of the end of this diet session I am feeling excited about going grocery shopping this week and picking up so yummy stuff to start cooking Monday! However in my meal planning and through out the diet process one thing has been bothering me. Side dishes. I think one of my biggest downfalls is bad side dishes so many of them involve carbs, loads of them. While I am excited for what I figured out for the coming week or so in the long run I need to build up some yummy side dish recipes. So please share your ideas!

2010-09-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

Life doesn't always seem to be right or fair, but when I look at this sweet boys face everything seems to be a little bit better. I'm so excited Cohen's 8 months old, he's determined to go anywhere he wants and he does! We have two teeth on their way in and that's always a fun time! He seems to be doing all the things he's technically supposed to but most important he's so freaking happy!

I love you my little Co-man!

2010-09-07T15:03:00.000-07:00

Family + Time = Love We go to spend some wonderful time with Matt's sister, her husband Chad and their sweet girls Ella & Livi this weekend. Livi's not shown she was napping, but I love this picture. Cohen just wanted to climb all over Megan it was funny and Ella loved and kissed on him and he gurggled and talked to her and laughed, it was so cute I can't wait until Cohen is older and all four kids interact and play together, so fun!

On another family note, I've been working on a labor of family love for a couple of weeks. A few months ago Matt's grandmother Ginger (aka Mom) decide she was ready to empty her home in DeSoto and try to sale it. She invited the family over to take anything they wanted. Matt and I picked up a few pieces but one in particular that Matt loved was this buffet cabinet that was in the entry way of the home. As something he saw every time he entered and left the house it reminded him of so many wonderful moments with family in his grandmother's house. The piece (from what we know) was designed and built in Japan in the late 40's early 50's when Matt's dad's parents lived on a US base there after WW2. Once his grandfather was done with his assignment there they came back to the states and had some amazing furniture shipped back as well including this buffet. Although made out teak somewhere down the line it got painted? Why I'll never know but it did, more than once I found out as I stripped it. But after hours of stripping and cleaning I found a beautiful piece of furniture that had been hiding underneath all those layers. I left traces of paint here and there to remind us of where the piece has been, but it's now a beautiful family heirloom that we'll treasure forever.

2010-09-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

Pulled Pork Heaven. I did hours of research and combined several different ideas and recipes to come up with this recipe for pulled pork. It was amazing, packed with flavor and it makes you feel so good to make your own rub & bbq sauce and know what's in it and without preservatives. I hope you enjoy. Let me know how you enjoy it, I feel like the possibilities are endless!

2010-08-11T10:39:00.000-07:00

SEVEN MONTHS OLD! Today my sweet Cohen is 7 months old. He such a blessing and joy to my life. He makes me smile and laugh, always at the perfect moment when I need it most. He's so close to crawling he can move his way around a room but it's kind of inch worm affect. He cruises and chases Dealey in his walker and he's starting to talk it up more and more. We've got the beginnings of mama, baba and dada and he is just such the completing joy to our lives. I can't wait for him to grow grow grow and watch him and D play together (and fight together) play soccer together, swim, go to movies, I'm just so excited. Here's my sweet chunks 7 month pic...he grew a lot this month and I didn't even see it until I put the pictures together. Crazy cool!

2010-08-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

I've had several friends request that I post my weekly menu so I'm going to try and do that as often as I can. I start my diet next week so the next 6 weeks or so will be different from the norm but for this week I'm excited to have some of my favorites...if you want recipes let me know!

Turkey Chili Recipe with Beef Substituted (matt's request)

Chicken, Bacon & Goat Cheese Salad

Chicken Fried Steak with Mashed Potatoes & Corn (the best comfort food)

Grilled Steak, with Roasted Potatoes & Almond Green Beans

Spicy Orange Beef over Homemade Fried Rice

I'm really going to enjoy this last week of yummy foods, although not all completely unhealthy the key to enjoying some of my favorites, very small portions!

2010-07-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

6 MONTHS OLD and almost ready to move! I can't believe Cohen is half a year old today! I don't know his stats we go to the dr. on Thursday but it's obvious from last month to this month he's putting on some lbs!! We just started solid foods which seemed almost necessary as he was wanting to add and add to his bottle feedings. He's awesome though still such a good natured little guy and just happy to be! Here's his little 6 month photo shoot!

2010-07-11T19:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay in adding post but I've been having a horrible time trying to make blogger work but finally figured out a way around it's stupidity! So here's Dealey being silly & Cohen's first bites of food! We started with squash. Now we're on to Oatmel & Peaches but tonight I made my first baby food, sweet potatoes, carrots & mango! We'll see how it goes!

This last picture is one of my favorites. Dealey at his first feeding & Cohen at his. Obviously Cohen has some extra squishiness to him but I love that it shows how Cohen is really developing into his own little man!

2010-06-11T12:04:00.000-07:00

5 months old! My baby boy is 5 months old! He's getting so big and is quite the character. Although he is much more laid back than Dealey has ever been he shines at all the right moments! He loves being in his walker a few times through out the day and is getting more and more mobile in it. He rolls over on his stomach well and seems to like the view from that angle and we've started oatmeal!! mmmmm! Oh but don't be fooled even though he is more laid back he has totally figured out he must be LOUD to be heard over his brother! He loves to shreak and talk to us and even has small meaningless conversations with me at time. He's growing up so fast and I love it! Check out this sweet picture, who could resist this face! And of course the 5 month bumbo!

2010-05-11T18:53:00.000-07:00

4 MONTHS AND SO FULL OF SMILES! My sweet baby is such a bright happy light in our life right now. I feel so blessed to have him in my life....

2010-04-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

3 MONTHS : AND ALMOST UPRIGHT?!

Cohen is 3 months old today! I can't believe how this time has flown by, I love that it has but it doesn't feel like it's been 3 months. Co is very active always moving around in your arms looking at the world and trying to take it all in. Really I think he's trying to figure out where that loud noise is coming from. I point him towards Dealey and he smirks a bit. He's so much more smiley and social than D was at this age which is kind of fun. He's realizing he's going to have to speak and speak loudly to be heard over his big brother. He loves sitting up on the couch and watching D run around like the crazy person he is and while tummy time is still a source of frustration for him, we keep trying and he'll indulge me for a few minutes at a time. I keep telling him he doesn't want a funky head but he doesn't listen. Hum, I don't think will be changing any time soon! In D's 3 month pictures he was about to jump out of the chair and Co is just hanging out I hope this is a sign he's going to be one laid back little kid...I like it!

It's funny I feel like I can't talk about Co unless I talk about D too, don't want to forget the first born or leave him out! So in true Dealey fashion, he's at it again! This time he came out and asked me to take a picture...oh my Jesus, what a kid he is.....

2010-03-22T18:21:00.000-07:00

because I can't get my undies dirty.....

This is what Dealey said to my mom when she found him taking his underwear off in the backyard. I grabbed the camera and well the pictures speak for themselves. He's a strange kid, a strange strange kid.

PS. I asked what he was doing in the 3rd pictures, he said, "raking"...I said, "okay".

2010-03-16T20:04:00.000-07:00

DO YOU DOO-NANNY?

I learned about this outsider art festival in Alabama called Doo-Nanny on one of my favorite sites Design Public. Has anyone ever heard of this? It sounds like a blast. Anyway, I don’t understand exactly what it is, but it sounds fun and I love outsider art. I wish I had the time to travel around to all these crazy cool art shows...maybe someday my boys will do it with me without attitude or dirty looks. I can dream can't I?

Here's what they had to say:

A truly unique experience!….a casserole of southern folk art, home cookin, homemade movies, camping, foot-stompin music, experimental architecture, guessing, oddities, unusual characters, a movie festival, surprises, cracker ingenuity, experiential transomism, and much more!… Folks coming in from NY, TX, CA, and beyond beyond…

Begun as a roadside folk art show in 1996, the Doo-Nanny is now located on a beautiful 80 acre farm in Seale, AL, near Columbus, Ga, and includes a wacky “lo-fi” film festival, fun food, and and eclectic assortment of music and activities.

2010-03-11T13:23:00.000-08:00

2 months and he hasn't missed a meal yet... I just got back from C's 2 month check up and all is well. It was quickly obvious that he has not missed a meal although I could have told the dr. that she didn't need to weigh him to find that out. He weighed in at 12 lbs 5 oz which is an over 4 lb gain from his one month check up and puts him in the 75%. He has grown 2 3/4 inches in the last month coming in at 22 3/4" and just about average for his age. His head is 16 1/4" and 90% yes, we have large headed children. You know it has to be large to hold all those brains!

Everything looks good a little cradle cap but nothing too serious and he's a little flat on the right side of his head but not too bad we just need to try to get him to look left more. Maybe I'll just have D stand on his left side and scream at him he seems to actually enjoy the loud noises that come out of Dealey....Mommy doesn't so much.

Here's his two month bumbo! You can see how much he's grown. It's a good thing they don't do a percentage on feet, he'd be of the charts! Also my new favorite pic of C, his first big gummy smile!

2010-03-03T08:03:00.001-08:00

oh so wordless wednesday!

2010-02-12T18:37:00.000-08:00

Cohen : One Month

C turned one month old yesterday. I wanted to post last night but we lost power and had to go to my parents house for the night. I can't believe it's been a month already. I'm excited it has been a month and that we survived! It's one month down and 11 to go to reach the stage I like much better this baby stage is not for everyone and it's definitely not for me. I try to start each day with a joyful heart but it's hard sometimes no matter how much you love someone to not get frustrated with them at times. C is such a joy though a very chill and laid back kid unless he's hungry. If he's hungry get out of his way. He's crazy alert and has been since birth and looks around with wide eyes at all that's going on. He has started cooing and ahhing more and more and is always quick to turn his head when he hears Dealey. I wanted to do a side by side of Dealey at one month and C at one month but I've moved the pictures to an external hard drive so I'll have to get it done later. I will say just like Dealey it's hard to miss the huge hands and feet on C's body but like Dealey I'm confident he'll grow into them....eventually.

2010-01-17T17:23:00.001-08:00

2010-01-15T08:52:00.001-08:00

who wouldn't be excited to feed someone
who came at you with this face?

2010-01-12T19:31:00.001-08:00

brother love : i knew dealey would warm up to sweet baby c. he came to visit us today and first thing, wanted to hold cohen. it was awesome, just what a tired mommy needed to see.

2010-01-12T07:31:00.000-08:00

1 hour shy of my first 24 hours as a mom of two sweet boys and I'm nothing short of completely overwhelmed.

The first night I remembered being tough with Dealey but this was a whole different experience. I am NOT a fan of c-sections. I hate that I'm so dependent on the nurses and Matt. I can't console my baby because I can't move, I can't change him or swaddle him very effectively and it's just gives you such a feeling of defeat. One thing that is going well is feeding. When Cohen latched on the first time just after we got out of the O.R. I got so excited because that one time was more than we were ever able to get Dealey to latch on. It's been as good as I could have expected it to be and I'm clinging to those very moments of joy during feeding to get me through these first few days.

I know it's all natural but friends I need your prayers to make it through this. How will I make it all happend that's the question that keeps running through my mind....Pray for wisdom and the ability to release. I look forward to sharing this journey with you guys. Each of your love, support, wisdom and friendship are true life lines for me! Thank you.

I honestly didn't know how I was going to feel about Cohen, I mean I knew I'd love him but I just love my Dealey so much it's hard to imagine having such intense love for another little one, but how could you not when they're this sweet?

2010-01-11T16:19:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday Cohen! Matt and I are so excited to introduce our sweet little guy to the world. It's been an amazing day full of loads of emotions and I still haven't quite digested it all but we wanted to share a few pictures with everyone! More to come of course but here's a little sample. The last picture is my favorite.....

Cohen Brent Maples
January 11, 2010
10:30 am
7lbs 14 oz : 19 1/2 in

(oh and practically perfect in every way)

2010-01-05T19:29:00.001-08:00

Feeling the love at a much needed time. I got a sweet subliminal message through another friends blog in this image. If you know me you know what it's all about. I love you too G.

2010-01-02T13:17:00.000-08:00

GOT SMOOTHIES? We do! One of Dealey's favorite things to do in his kitchen is make smoothies. He's favorite flavor. Banana, Chocolate Chip Cookie, Pickle, Snap Pea. Sounds yummy huh? And he always serves them with a spoon. However if you ask him, he'll tell you it's a mango smoothie....

I love that he's being creative it makes my heart pitter patter but what I love more is that he's being creative in the kitchen with food. I have a secret hope at least one of my boys will want to hang with mom in the kitchen and by my little chef. He'll make some girl insanely happy some day if he can cook and grocery shop and meal plan...

2009-12-26T07:57:00.000-08:00

A Dealey of a Christmas. It was such a joy to be able to make this Christmas something special for Dealey as it will be his last Christmas as an only child. After weeks of waking up happy he decided to wake up totally pissed off on Christmas morning! A perfect morning for the average 2 year old I guess. He refused to get out of bed and wanted Mommy but then kicked me out of his bed when I came in to sit down. Then he asked for Daddy who was promptly shoved out the door upon sight. So then Nana thought she'd try, not sure what he did but we heard him scream. So hey why not let Gaffer give it a go, yeah my dad didn't even make it down the hall way before getting an ear full of 2yearold. So we decided to cover up Santa's gift turn on Jungle Junction and try Matt carrying him out like it was any other morning. As it turns out all he needed was 5 minutes of Jungle Junction to reboot his brain. I guess toddlers are like PC's always in need of updating, repair and the complete reboot at least once a week.

So after we got calmed down first a sweet picture with puffy red eyes then the kitchen was unveiled...

Next play time began, he of course washed his hands first!

Then time for some Christmas morning ice cream....of course! Followed by the perfect pose.

After a relaxing breakfast and some more play time it was time for a much needed nap then off to Nana's for Christmas dinner and MORE PRESENTS! But before we leave the house, we of course need to have car coming out of our eye.

Then before we could get coats and shoes off and settled in it was time to dive into Nana's manger. Unlike Mimi's this one isn't meant to be played with. So quick note to self: we need to get a manger scene Dealey can play with for Nana's house next year!

Before heading home we had a yummy dinner and opened some fun presents, including a pot & pan set for the new kitchen. After some banging of pots, Matt says, maybe we should have looked for a wood set....to which I responded what fun would that be? But before we left Nana's it was time for some trick-or-treating...uh?

And finally back home for some more kitchen play. I guess Dealey had a long day because before long this was the view....head in the oven.

All in all it was a wonderful day and while I'm so ready for Cohen to get out of me and give me my body back it was wonderful to share one last holiday with just the three of us. I definitely think this picture sums up the day perfectly. All smiles!

Matt and I hope each of you had a beautifully wonderful Christmas too. I'd raise my glass to you but Cohen's being stubborn and hanging out inside me so I'll have to raise my glass a little later! But never-the-less here's to another year of family, friend, fun and laughter.

2009-12-20T19:24:00.000-08:00

Today was a very surreal day. It started off seemingly wonderful. We were looking forward to finishing up our Christmas shopping. Dealey was going to spend the afternoon with his Mimi and D•Dad and we of course wake up each day now wondering if today will be the day that Cohen arrives. Then about noon it was if the world just sucked the breath out of us both. The day would not be quite the same, Christmas will not be the same and even in a way seems wrong to be excited about the life we are anticipating and ready to celebrate.

First we found out that Matt's aunt Margie died last night about 1:30 am. It's a total shock and huge blow to the whole family. She was only in her mid 50's and just seems strange that we'll never see her again or talk to her. Margie along with a few other Maples family members have a congenital heart defect that sometimes causes you to feel as though you are choking. It's something that Matt's 80 something year old grandmother has as well as his cousin. It's something you can live with and function normally with and as best they can tell she had an episode of feeling like she was chocking and this time seems to have caused her to go into cardiac arrest. We won't know for sure until they do an autopsy but at the moment it seems to be the only logical explanation according to the paramedics and the hospital.

After hearing this news I called my mom to let her know what had happened only to find out that her cousin died yesterday as well unexpectedly from an aortic aneurysm. She too was young.

It's been a rough year for both our families. Matt and I both lost grandparents that are very very dear to us and I just hate that this is how this year will end. With heavy hearts full of sadness, eyes struggling to hold back tears and consuming thoughts about how unexpected and cruel life can be. Knowing that we too must plan for the "unexpected" is just about the worst feeling. I don't want anyone but Matt and I to raise and grow our family through life, any other way just doesn't seem right.

If you read this and think about it, please toss out a prayer for both Matt's family and my family that we will all be able to find a way to cherish both of these women during this Christmas season. And for those in both families that undoubtedly feel a sense of hopelessness that they will find and follow the life that still lies ahead of them. I know all too well that sometimes it's hard to look past the misery of the moment to see the possibility of hope and happiness that can be yours if you choose to pursue it.

2009-12-15T07:44:00.000-08:00

IT'S DONE! Cohen's room is done and I love it so much I can't wait for him to be here and be able to start spending time in that room playing with him and Dealey. So here's a few pictures! I guess technically it won't be 100% done until he's here because we have some big picture frames to put some amazing pics that I know Allison will be taking of C & D and maybe a family pic who knows. In the 4th picture you can see the two frames sitting out in the hallway. One is going to go over the crib just to the left of the awesome molding shelf in picture 1. The other is going to hang just off center above the changing table.

Before I show the pics though I want to thank everyone who helped me pull this room together I couldn't have done it without each of you! My sweet friends, Erin, Nicole, Lynsi & Allison helped me paint the room and get things started. Nicole helped me dye the sheets and put one of the best features of the room up, the guitar graphic. My parents helped most of all though, my mom painted the closet, helped me paint the bed and cut and sew the curtains. My dad built new drawers for the changing table that I later painted the gold color. My dad also helped me measure and get the closet preped for hanging new rods and getting the bookshelf in there. And yesterday he spent many hours trying to figure out the stupid crown molding I just had to have as the top shelf of my little molding project. So it's easy to see that there is NO WAY I could have gotten it done without my friends and family!

2009-12-13T15:17:00.001-08:00

A WEEKEND WITH NO BOYS....(except for the one I'm growing inside me!) This is something I know I will come to treasure as the years go on. Sadly though this weekend with the pleasure of no boys came the pain of not being able to spend time with Matt's family and celebrate sweet Ella's 2nd birthday. But I know Matt took a ton of fabulous pictures so I'll get a little slice of the fun when he gets home.

I had hoped to accomplish loads this weekend and as I started doing various things I realized I do this much every week, what was I thinking? I should be resting a bit. Alas I did get almost all my Christmas gifts made which I can't wait to share pics of them but I can't of course until after Christmas or people will know what they're getting.

I also got the last project for Cohen's room underway and it will be finished on Monday (thanks in advance dad for the help)!!!!!!!! I cleaned, did laundry, got my office/guest room put back together and yes I did rest a little and enjoyed a small glass of wine last night with my friend Erin. So I have a few hours left before the boys get home and I'm torn between doing a few more projects and just taking a shower and relaxing....In my perfect world I'd have time for both so I guess I should stop typing and get busy so I can get everything I can done before they get home!

2009-12-09T17:57:00.000-08:00

SNEAK PEEK! Okay so today my sweet friend Nicole came and help me put one of the most important pieces of Cohen's room up, the guitar graphic. I mean who needs a bed when you have the coolest guitar graphic on your wall just above the coolest zebra print ottoman? Lucky kid. So I thought I'd give a little sneak peek of C's room. Sorry about the flash, I'll have Matt take some good pictures of the room once I get the last little art project done and the curtains hung on the window. You can however see a bit of the curtains in the picture we got the pair that went over the closet hung this weekend.

Also I lost the camera a month or so ago at my baby shower so I had a few fun pictures to share off it and thought why not throw them into this post rather randomly! So here's a picture of the yummy food at the shower. And while I'm on the subject of the shower I just want to thank everyone again it really was a special day. While I did get to have two showers when I was pregnant with Dealey they were stressful and awkward as I had already been put on bed rest and had to have them at our little loft which was fun, but tight and it was hard too that we couldn't register for some fun stuff because we had to think of how little space we would have once in NY. So thank you to everyone who made this day so special for me....

This last picture...Well, who can argue that there is any better place to watch "Meet The Robinsons" than lounging in a laundry basket? I asked him if he wanted a pillow and he said "no thank you mommy" and he watched almost the entire movie from this spot getting in and out a few times, I guess to stretch his legs?!

2009-12-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

BABY UPDATE....Okay so I saw both the perinatologist and my ob this week and I'll start off by saying Cohen is doing great. He's still in the 95% for height & weight, coming it at just under 19" (avg is 17 at 34 weeks) and 5lbs 6 oz (avg is 4lbs at 34 weeks) but he was super cute in the sonogram he even looked like he was talking opening and shutting his mouth which was fun! I guess he's been hearing all the racket outside my belly and realizes he better come out talking or Dealey may not let him get a word in.

So that was all great, the frustrating part, on Thursday he was still transverse (sideways) in my belly. So I feared that my ob would not want to take the circlage out for fear if I went into labor and he hadn't turned that we'd end up in an emergency C-section. So I reluctantly went to my appointment Friday afraid of what she would say. She was reluctant to agree to take it out but I talked her into it so on the 18th my circlage will come out! She did however want me to sign in blood that as soon as I get home on Friday I must pack my bags for the hospital and put them in the car so that if I start having contractions or my water breaks or anything then I can get to the hospital as fast as possible. She said if I came to the hospital with an arm hanging out of me she would not be happy. I told her I'd do my best.

It was all a bit frustrating to think through but I'm happy she saw that it was still best to take the circlage out and I may end up with a c-section which I don't want (let me make note that it's not for any major reason other than I don't have time for that type of recovery, which my ob said was the funniest thing she's ever heard but she too has a 2 year old and totally understood where I was coming from) Anyways, but the flip side is if they don't take the circlage and wait until after Christmas he could easily be 9+ lbs and with my tilted pelvic bone I could end up in a c-section anyway because if you remember I had trouble getting my super skinny Dealey bear that was just under 6lbs out.....

We shall see, I'm close to finishing up the last details of Cohen's room so I'm just going to plug away at it and try to finish by the end of this next week. Then I just need to get our room all cleaned up and the bed set up in there for his first month or two of life. I'll keep you posted on the latest!

2009-12-02T18:39:00.000-08:00

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

2009-11-19T15:28:00.001-08:00

SLIGHTLY (EARLY) NOT SO WORDLESS WEDNESDAY? So I know next Wednesday is going to be a bit nuts trying to get the house cleaned up and decorated for Thursday and get whatever food prep I can done ahead of time. Oh, yeah and Dealey doesn't have school next Wednesday, sigh....should be fun! You know I think MDO is like crack for moms, I mean I go through major withdrawal even after one day without it. Anyways, so here's a little something to make you smile. Dealey does have a few feminine characteristics but it's just normal toddler stuff he doesn't know what a purse is he just knows it holds his cars and thinks the fake flowers on the front smell pretty! But if I had any doubts this sums it up....HE'S ALL BOY.

2009-11-17T11:14:00.000-08:00

Thank You Suz! (Rev. 11/18)

I got this amazing book in the mail through Amazon the other day and I have no idea who to thank for it. I think this person knows me very VERY well as the book is a children's book but it's based off the idea of typography, and the design is awesome, which just makes my heart flutter. The hard part, I love the book so much I don't know if Dealey or Cohen will ever be aloud to touch it. I guess I'll buy an extra just for me! However I'm still waiting at least another year before I let Dealey get is dirty, snotty, book tearing hands on it, he just might love it to pieces! So if you're reading this person who sent this most awesome book, Thank You! I'd love to thank you more personally as well so GIVE YOURSELF UP!

You can check the book out on Amazon it's called Alphabeasties but here's a few pics to wet your appetite!

2009-11-12T14:45:00.000-08:00

OH HOW THEY GROW! Seriously. I went in for my 30 week sonogram today my cervix is still at rock star status says the doctor. And Cohen looks wonderful (a little squished if you ask me) but good none the less. However he freaking weighs 4lbs already. Yeah you heard me, he should be about 2 1/2-3lbs. Sigh so if I have him at the exact time I had Dealey he'd be 6 1/2 lbs to Dealey's 5lbs 14oz. Crazy, but it totally explains why I'm so freaking tired this baby is in over drive. Unfortunately I don't have any new pics to share as he looked angerly at the sono tech today and it literally took her 10 minutes to even get a clear picture of his heart because he wouldn't sit still so he was feeling a bit shy today but I go again in 3 weeks (last one before the circlage comes out!) hopefully we'll get a good picture!

Dealey is no exception he's a growing growing boy. He wears a size 10 shoes now and he's not quite 2 1/2. But pictures always have a way of making you see the reality of how your kids have grown and changed. His school pictures were no exception. One taking last Oct 2008 and then this years in Oct 2009. He looks like a little man now it's so crazy and I know it happened before our eyes and while we've felt the physical change trying to keep him in clothes that fit I don't think I realized how much his face and features have changed. I think he's officially starting to take on more Matty characteristics but he'll always have my nose and lips and one Rachel ear and one Matt ear. I think if he had dark brown hair like Matt did at this age he'd look even more like him. What do you think?

2009-11-10T17:43:00.001-08:00

ANOTHER PROJECT DONE! I have been nesting for about 6 months now and it's not showing any signs of slowing down. We've been painting and sewing and fixing and we're about to rip up 3 rooms and hall of carpet so we can have it replaced all before Mr. Cohen arrives (hopefully!). So today I finished an ottoman re-upholstery for Cohen's room. What's more appropriate for a rock & roll room than a zebra covered ottoman to play on! As soon as the carpet is replaced we'll get the nursery together and I'll share pics of all the fun stuff we've been up to! Until then, a zebra covered ottoman.

2009-11-06T08:29:00.000-08:00

This was going to be my Wordless Wednesday but that day was an emotional day of closure as we celebrated my gma's life as much as I'd like to leave the image of her up forever I know I shouldn't so I wanted to lighten things up and post next weeks Wordless Wednesday today!

"Got Knockulars?"

2009-10-30T18:15:00.000-07:00

My Gma lived a long, adventurous and beautiful life.
I hope we all are so lucky.

2009-10-27T19:49:00.001-07:00

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

2009-10-20T17:58:00.000-07:00

FAIR DAYS...So the Texas State Fair is one of Matt's most favorite things to do. He looks forward to it every year. This year however was especially cool as he got to share his joy with Dealey. They spent last Saturday afternoon riding the DART rail down (which D loved!) and walking around the fair, enjoying junk food and of course cars as well as a few barn yard adventures. Here's a few pics that capture their afternoon. The one with his mouth open he's imitating the sheep noise. Also the 2nd picture he's taking a picture of Matt taking a picture of him....they had a wonderful afternoon together and he was sad to come home as I think he'd be happy to ride the DART rail all day long back and forth.

2009-10-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

SHOWING OFF....I got the opportunity to see Cohen a few days ago and see how he was growing. I'm measuring about a week bigger than average and he's weighing about 2lb 40z! He was so busy this sonogram much more than Dealey ever was. He started off in a fairly normal position. He's moved to the side to side position and was just kind of floating on his back hanging out but as the tech began moving around and looking at him he started his show. Before long the tech was cracking up which started me laughing about half way through his acrobatic show he straightened his legs out with his feet over his head and was bouncing them up and down, it was hysterical and then his final position he folded them slightly and rested his knees on his chest and relaxed there for the remainder of the sonogram....check out this active little boy.

2009-10-15T16:22:00.000-07:00

Dealey's gotten ahold of the camera a few times,
he's good huh?! hee hee.
He'll be shooting shots like his daddy in no time!

2009-10-13T13:38:00.000-07:00

BEST FRIENDS....I went in to see if Dealey was awake this afternoon and he was laying in his bed singing so I put a few clean clothes up and then laid down next to him on the bed and he leaned over and got right in my face and said, "Your my best friend." My heart melted, I don't know where he heard that phrase but after some rough times with him the last few days it made it all better. I told him he was my best friend too, he replied, " thank you mommy."

He has such a sweet heart, most of the time, and it makes me wonder if his recent attitude issues have anything to do with Cohen, we've been doing lots of stuff for Cohen and we talk about him a lot. I think too that every 2 year old is bi-polar to some extent and well, that would explain a lot.

2009-10-06T20:40:00.001-07:00

A SORT OF "HOLY CRAP" MOMENT....I had my monthly check up with the doc today and Cohen of course is doing great. I'm measuring about a week ahead right now which is fine. After the routine stuff the doc. and I were chatting about life and Austin and a host of other random things when she said, " do you realize you're only 10 weeks from when you had Dealey?" I'm sorry, what did you say...10 weeks? I know that's 2 1/2 months but when you say 10 weeks that seem so fast. So it just reminded me that I need to stick to my "to do" list and keep my projects on schedule so if that were to happen I'd be ready. I was thinking yes to Christmas cards this year but I think I should use the baby excuse and go ahead and cut myself some slack on that one after all we'll be sending out birth announcements sort of at the holidays so I'm thinking that will have to count this year.....man time has flown by.

2009-09-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

A BIG BOY MOMENT...Well, we did it, we switched Dealey over to a big boy bed and moved all his toys into his room. I feel a bit insane for doing it but it was something we wanted to do well before Cohen gets here so we just took as big a step as we were asking Dealey to do and did it.

My parents kept him Sunday morning through his nap time and we switched everything over. He came and we told him we had a surprise for him in his room. He ran back there opened the door and was giddy with excitement. I thought he'd be excited about the bed, but no, what he was really excited about was the train set that he got for his birthday and we had put it back for this transition. About 30 minutes later he finally noticed the bed ad jumped in it. He seemed excited but I remained terrified of the night before us. We spent a bit longer just hanging in his room, he discovered how to turn his lamp on and off which I thought " this can't be good" but oh well.

So night time came and when we first went to bed he wasn't too excited so we told him we'd watch one show and then go to bed. He seemed agreeable so we watched a little Phineas & Ferb and then he said to us, time for night night. So Matt took him back there and he laid down and was quiet....so we thought. A few minutes later we turned on the monitor and we heard, ca-ching, slam, ca-ching, slam. He was playing with this cash register he got as a gift a while back. We laughed and thought, at least he's not crying. I looked down the hallway and he had turned on his lamp :o) smart right, he needed to see to play. We decided to give him 30 minutes or so and about half way through it got quite but we decided to wait a while. We went in about 30 minutes later, he had turned his lamp off, changed the noise on his sound machine and fallen fast asleep on his pillow on the floor. So Matt picked him up and put him in bed and we all went to sleep. He did fall out once during the night but climbed back in bed and went back to sleep.

So altogether it was a pretty good night, better than I expected I think but as tonight as come upon us it's been a challenge to get him down so I'm just trying to remind myself that he'll adjust, he always does and we were definitely smart to do this months before Cohen will be here and it will be second nature to him by then. Tomorrow is our first nap time in the bed, not sure how that's going to go but we'll see!

2009-09-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

SET THEM FREE! We ventured out to our favorite park this morning because today is the first day in nearly two weeks it hasn't rained. It's looking a little gray right now, but it wasn't raining this morning so we jumped in the car and took advantage of the nice cool weather.

We got to the park not knowing what to expect since it rained all day yesterday and the 12 days before that. We were amazed as we pulled into the parking lot to see kids galore. All of them running about as if it was the first time they had seen a playground. Of course Dealey joined right in as he's been asking for DAYS to go to the playground. All these poor kids, it's like they've been in prison for two weeks, I would have gone crazy was it not for MDO. it was so nice to set him free!

Wish I would have had my camera to take a picture of the insane number of people there...next time.

2009-09-15T12:14:00.001-07:00

What's your role? This is a question I've been struggling with for a few years now, definitely more so since Dealey came along. But honestly I feel like it's something I've struggled with for a good portion of my adult life. It's nice when your a kid, your role is, to be a kid. But when you feel the pressure to take on and be successful at so many roles how do you do it? Some role has to take priority but is it every changing or do you set the priorities and stick to that? So here's what I see as roles I have and one role I'd like to take on (in no specific order other than number one).

1. Mom
2. Wife
3. House Wife
4. Graphic Designer
5. Household Finances
6. Social Coordinator
7. Friend
8. Entrepreneur (this is one I want to add)

So where do you start? And most importantly how can I possibly do all these things well? Better than well, great. Because I don't settle for adequate when it comes to myself.

Where this whole discussion leaves me is confused and frustrated. Should I eliminate some of my roles? How? Which ones? They all seem untouchable except maybe number 8 but it's not one I'm currently doing, it's something I think would make me feel like I'm doing something specifically for me, but then the question is raised, is that selfish? At this stage of life is there anytime to do something that I feel passionate about? What would I have to sacrifice to do it great? Is it worth it?

2009-09-10T11:50:00.001-07:00

So it's been a few days since we cut the cake and I found out I'm having another boy... It's been a few days of hard processing made harder by some ugly comments from people but I'm so excited about Cohen and can't wait for him to be here.

Sunday (not even 24 hours after I found out) I regrouped and decided on a color scheme and idea for his room. I was really frustrated when I first got to the fabric store but after 3 hours (yeah, that's right 3 hours) there it finally started to come together. It's going to be a totally cool Rock room, with a palette of soft grays & some black & white and a few punches of color in blue and gold. I will of course post pictures of the process and the final room. Lots of pieces to pull together but it's going to be awesome!

I mentioned his name in the first paragraph, Cohen, we've decided for sure on that but the middle name maybe isn't decided. Originally we were thinking Anderson but Matt thinks it's kind of a mouth full so I don't know if anyone wants to have input in the naming of our little one, toss the ideas out there!

Dealey started school on Wednesday and it was awesome, I unfortunately had lots to do that day and didn't stop but to each lunch so I was just as exhausted as usual, but tomorrow I'm looking forward to painting one wall in his room and hopefully taking a nap before I have to go pick him up. I have to remind myself sometimes that I'm carrying a package that requires my body to take a break every once in a while so that's my goal to accomplish much but rest even more over the next few months.

Everyone's been asking to see a pic of the cake, my dad caught this one which shows the blue inside...and my big fat arm :o)

2009-09-06T08:04:00.000-07:00

It's A....we had such a great night last night surrounded by friends and family we got to find out what we're having...couldn't have imagined it any better. The sound is a little low in the first part, but the important part you can hear just fine.

2009-09-05T07:54:00.001-07:00

THE DAY HAS COME....to find out what we're having. I can't believe how nervous and anxious I am. Matt says he doesn't care what we have, that a boy would be fun for Dealey but a girl would be a fun new adventure. I really want a girl, I haven't been too quite about that but obviously I'd be happy either way. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I'll be a little bit sad if it's a boy because I'll have to come to the realization that I'll never get to experience what it's like to have a daughter. No cute clothes or fun hair, no one to teach how to do make up no prom dresses to buy and most sadly no wedding to help design....

I also feel a little scared about spending my life with three boys. Boys are dirty and smelly and their feet, let's face it, they're just not right. A girl would be such a nice balance. We'll see, I have lots to do to finish up getting ready for tonight so I better get to work but I can't wait to write again to let you know what it is!

2009-08-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

the anticipation is killing me.....so I had this "wonderful" idea that I saw on a show sometime to have a cake made that would have either pink or blue icing filling on the inside and that's how we'd find out what we're having. So the party is planned and September 5 we will find out what we're having. Most people seem to think it's a girl but I think they're just being cruel and getting my hopes up but I don't know this pregnancy has been very different from the last (thank goodness) so I don't know.

So to fill some ime up and get my mind off that I went shopping today with my mom and got Dealey's new big boy bed frame, didn't get a mattress yet because I just can't decided what to do so if anyone has suggestions. I don't want to spend a fortune on this mattress but I don't want it to be crazy cheap and we just have to replace it in a couple of years so any thoughts? I'd be happy to hear them. Anyways, the thought is to move him to the bed in October and move the crib out so I can begin preparation for the new baby and that will give him about two months in his new room so hopefully he won't feel like we're taking his bed (which on several occasions he's told me he loves) and giving it to the new baby.

He's seems super excited about the baby right now he hugs and kisses my belly and has affectionately named the baby Purple. So for that reason alone we better hope it's a girl or it may come out traumatized forever. Last week we got to spend a day with Matt's sister and her two sweet girls Ella (20 months) & Livi (2 months) and Dealey loved on Livi all day he wanted to hold her and he gave her kisses and touched her so gently so here's hoping he'll be just as sweet and kind to his new baby.

Other than baby stuff our summer has been wonderful filled with lots of adventure and fun with daily trips to the playground, swim lessons, plenty of time at Nina's & Gaffers a restful vacation for Mom & Dad and some fun weekends with my brother, thea & sweet Ethan....but it's over now and school starts Sept. 9 and oh how I can't wait for it to get here.

Sorry no pictures I haven't taken many this summer...not sure why, just haven't.....I'm sure Sept. 5 or 6 will be my next post will a video of the sex reveal...pink or blue, pink or blue the yummy cake will tell all!

2009-08-10T18:32:00.000-07:00

MUST STACK THE CARS...I have to share some funny things about my dealey man. He's a bit obsessive compulsive (I know you're all wondering where he gets that from :o) But he really does have some strange neurotic behaviors such as.

1. putting his cars in a neat nice row, but even more impressive arranging them according to size.

2. his cup must face a certain way and always be a certain distance from him when he's in his chair eating.

3. stacking the train cars, he does it with such carefulness and sometimes he even does it by car color. In this picture he was alternating colors.

There are more strange oddities but they just crack me up. It's nice because I can always count on him for a laugh or two everyday and some days it's much needed.

2009-08-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

My sweet friend Christine (from NYC) gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Cora Rose on July 25! Congratulations Stephen & Christine! We love you guys!

Click on the image for a larger view of sweet Cora!

2009-07-23T10:45:00.000-07:00

A TIME OF UNCERTAINTY: The last few weeks have been filled with so many ups and downs and today for me was such a milestone. To see this little baby kicking like crazy on screen. To hear the doctor say baby looks perfect in size and development. To see a strong beating heart. It made everything seem a bit more real. I feel like I can really get excited about this pregnancy now and start thinking about the future with my two beautiful children.

Last little hurdle to make it over is the surgery Monday but it's a pretty easy one and really the only major complication that could happen is if the dr. accidentally breaks my water but she's the best and she did amazing last time and she's knows I expect nothing less of perfection from her.

It looks like we'll be back at 18 weeks (August 20) for a check of the circlage and to find out the sex of the baby. However we're not going to actually find out that day we're going to have the dr. write it in a card and seal it up and I have a bakery that is going to bake us either a blue or pink cake both with white icing and we're going to have a little family get together and we'll cut the cake and all find out together what we're having! It's going be super fun.

I'll write a little update after the surgery Monday but I expect everything to be wonderful.

2009-07-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

QUICK BABY UPDATE : We had our check up today I'm 13 weeks and 4 days and it was such a relief to hear the heartbeat. I don't feel completely calm yet about everything because it was between 14 and 15 weeks that we lost our little boy last time so a few more weeks and I'll be able to start enjoying this a bit more. We see the specialist next Thursday to check baby out and make sure everything is measuring correctly and is in the right place and ultimately to check my incompetent cervix and see what it's doing so far. They plan to put the circlage in Monday, July 27th and for me I think that will be a very defining day that this pregnancy is a go.

We're still supper excited and have big plans for how we're going to find out the sex of the baby (I'll tell you about that some other time) and we can't wait to call him or her by their name we have two girls names we love (and yes I'm hoping for a girl, some say I'm crazy, but I really feel like a girl would be an amazing treat for us) and we have one boy name that we love which was hard to come up with because there's so much behind Dealey's name we felt this one would need to be equally interesting (at least to us). So we wait we hope to find out towards the end of August what we're having!

Dealey goes in for his 2 year check up tomorrow so that should be exciting he still weighs 29 lbs according to my grandmother's scale which is what he weighed at 16 months so we'll see but I know he's taller. He's a crazy man and so freaking full of energy it's nuts. He can literally run around in circles forever and has at my parents house many times. He too is supper excited about baby as much as he understands. But he hugs and kisses my belly without direction almost every day and this morning he said good morning to the baby which was too sweet. So I'm excited to see how he does in the coming months as we start to prepare babies room and he can see some more physical change in his surroundings and in me.

For now that's all, I'll have more news and a new picture of baby next week!

2009-06-20T20:19:00.001-07:00

Okay here's a quick baby update. I had a dr. appt this week and we got to see are little 2 cm baby happy as can be. I am anxiously awaiting the end of this trimester for reasons we all know so I have an appointment to check the heart beat on July 15 then the following we I see the specialist to check baby out in full, then the last week of July (I'll be about 15 weeks) I'll get the circlage put in and hopefully have a happy healthy pregnancy free of any bed rest from then on. That's my plan :o) We'll see how that goes. Oh and I'm do January 23rd but if happens as it did last time, the circlage will come out December 23rd and we could have our little one before the end of the year....For now, here's are little maple.....

Oh and just a little interesting side note. When I had this sono done, my doc. saw something weird. It's one of two things but the funny thing is, it's weird looking and if it's not what she thinks it is then it's something she's never seen before. It appears (from a different angle) that I either have two sacs meaning we might of had twins to begin with or it's just a freak thing. With my medical history I vote the specialist will confirm it's a freak thing but maybe not, maybe for a brief moment there were Maples twins....scary.....

2009-06-16T10:57:00.000-07:00

Another Year Down & the Next One is Going to be CRAZY!!! Today our sweet Dealey turns 2! It's hard to believe it's been two years. He such a boy now not a baby anymore that's for sure. We have full on conversations sometimes about very weird things and he is constantly amazing us with how much he's learned. He can count to 13 really well and 15 on a good day. I hope that we can continue to enjoy every day with our little guy as we prepare to welcome another Maples into our family! So far Dealey doesn't seem to care too much but he likes to point at my stomach and say baby so I'm working with him when he does that to encourage him to kiss the baby and hug the baby. He's a very tender child and if he loves his little brother or sister as much as he loves on his cars and his bear then we'll be in good shape. I know it's going to be a big year in our house and I hope that Dealey will continue to feel loved and inspired as we welcome baby #2.

We had a party on Sunday for the D man and it was a blast it was so overwhelming and encouraging to see so many people gather to celebrate his life and say we love you. So a huge thanks to everyone for making time for our family. We had several people who traveled hours to spend time with us and we hope they know how loved that makes us feel and how much we appreciate them. I've never seen so many cars in my life. The original plan was to have a "Cars" party but when we were at the store Dealey wanted the Mickey stuff so it became a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse party instead. He loved his presents and so far at each holiday he's seemed to have a favorite. Last year it was a walk and ride McQueen car and this year it was Mater the tow truck from the movie "Cars" it's all I can do to pry it away from him at night!

It's been a crazy month so far and I have so many post I need to write. Our Boston trip was amazing and of course Matt took some 500 pictures. So I promise to write soon about our trip and share a small sampling of what he took. Now if I can get through my birthday Saturday, yikes I'm turning 30, then I think we might make it through June! More baby post to come as well!

2009-06-07T15:40:00.001-07:00

2009-04-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

okay okay, so I haven't been a good blogger lately...it's been busy, juggling being a mom, wife, graphic designer and wine enthusiast! Sigh, but I think after some changes and a little perspective I've got it back to a manageable state. While selling wine is a fascinating industry and I love so many parts of it, the time demand on me was more than I could bare to give, my first 3 jobs keep me busy enough. So tomorrow is my last day in the engulfing world of wine but I've decided the only thing I'll really miss are the sweet people I got to work with.

Other than too much work, nothing much is going on in our world, Dealey just gets bigger by the day and amazes us with his intelligence and wit. He continues to be the light in a sometimes dark world and reminds us on a daily basis how fortunate we really are. I don't think it's to big of a secret to many of you that Matt and I have been in a dark, frustrating and sometimes dismal place in our marriage for some time but I'm optimistic yet guarded about deciding to be a part of an amazing ministry at our new church called RE:ENGAGE. It's a six month commitment we've made to help put in place the ground work that will help us reconnect, restore and reignite our marriage.

But enough of the crap part of life and back to Dealey. Here's some great pics of our sweet little guy over the past few months. I can't believe he'll be 2 so soon!

2009-02-17T14:25:00.000-08:00

2009-01-21T13:16:00.000-08:00

I'M FOR SALE!!!!!! ON ETSY!!!! I can't believe I actually did it, now hopefully I won't be completely disappointed by no bites, I'm looking forward to adding blocks though I have beautiful set I finished at home that just simply says imagine so we'll see what happens! Check me out on Etsy my username: AContemporaryWorld.

2009-01-20T12:17:00.001-08:00

another new painting, and this one is for sale! I'm going to submit this painting as well as another one I'm working on to a place called art is art down on Henderson off 75. I'm really excited and can't wait to sale my first painting! I'll keep you posted.

2009-01-19T07:58:00.000-08:00

more paintings! this is so fun.....

2009-01-16T12:57:00.001-08:00

LOOK! I've been painting! I've found a new love and could spend almost every minute of every day painting. Here's a couple of recent creations they are unnamed at the moment but I'd like to take suggestions for names so if you have an idea when you view the painting leave me a comment!

Also, check out the blog entry below I've created a couple of online portfolios using blogspot, so if you've ever wondered what my work looks like check them out!

To view the paintings larger just click on the pic...

2009-01-16T09:17:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, check out my new portfolio blog if you have a minute: Rachel Maples : Design Portfolio

also I just created a Freelance Portfolio if you have two minutes check them both out

2009-01-11T18:18:00.001-08:00

This past week Matt and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary....We've spent the week thinking about all the wonderful, horrible, weird and wonderful things that have happened over the last 10 years. Here's a few things we've learned.

1. Life is never what we expect it to be, and that's okay.

2. Love can withstand the craziest of storms.

3. Children freaking change everything!

4. We're never quite prepared for the next phase.

5. Contentment is not in our vocabulary.

6. Friends will come and go but we have each other and that's all we really need.

and most important.

7. We love each other and always will.

We also spent a good part of the last week living it up. Celebrations started Wednesday evening with a yummy dinner, Sprinkles cupcakes and then hours spent sipping wine at a wonderful wine bar (Vino100) and talking about what the next 10 years might bring and what we'd like the next 10 years to bring. Then Friday my parents cooked dinner for us (really sweet) and Matt surprised us with Sprinkles cupcakes and we had cupcakes & champagne for dessert. Then to cap it all off, Saturday Matt's mom kindly took Dealey off our hands and we spent and evening in Ft. Worth eating amazing Italian food, drinking wine & cocktails and laughing our butts off while watching one of our favorite comedy troops Four Day Weekend. But really the sweetest part of the whole week was Matt's surprise of a night at the Worthington in Downtown Ft. Worth. What made it so special? It's where we spent our wedding night 10 years ago. It was an amazing week spent with an amazing man, my hero, my love, my Matt.

Here's a few pics, us in the hotel room before we went out & me getting a little goofy after a few glasses of wine and cocktails at the comedy club :o)

2008-12-28T10:56:00.000-08:00

Christmas this year was an amazing and exhausting time of family. We hosted Matt's mom's family for Christmas Eve. The food was amazing and overflowing, the sweets to die for and mounds of presents that everyone enjoyed. Christmas day was equally as fun but with a smaller crowd, of just my family, which was just fine with us. All in all we had a very blessed Christmas and are looking for an even better New Years. Here's a few pics from our two days of Christmas fun.

• CHRISTMAS EVE •

• CHRISTMAS DAY •

2008-11-25T15:12:00.000-08:00

wordless wednesday : oh! funny boy

2008-11-18T10:16:00.000-08:00

saying goodbye...i had to say goodbye this morning to my dear friend Christine she's headed back to new york with her sweet little girl eva. we so enjoyed their company the last few days and i was very sad to say goodbye. i feel like though i have a new perspective on life after her short stay here and have learned some new thoughts to keep in mind while dealing with each day. first off whenever things aren't what i thought they would be i just need to say to myself "it is what it is" there's nothing i can do about D having a bad day or being sick i just need to find the best way to cope and work through it and not get so down about the fact that it's not the schedule or the norm. probably much easier said than done but i'm determined to make it a way of life, after all on the subject of life it is what it is and the only thing i can do is try to help the situations i can help realize that there are many many things out of our control and reach and those things will be what they are. again a tough concept to first embrace i think but i again am determined to make it a way of life and mind. so first things first i know my life isn't as happy as it could be, matt and i aren't as close as we could be and those things I can help. Matt and i have to find time to work on us and i need to take steps to correct what it is that makes me unhappy in life be it work or home and in actuality there are things in both of those areas i've got to deal with and regain some control of ultimately regaining control of happiness in my life. if you've read this far thanks for listening to me ramble on about my life maybe it struck a cord in you maybe like me you too like to control your life and need to realize that sometimes it just is what it is and it's not control you need you just need to cope and move on. so to those of you feeling my words, i raise my glass and say here's to dealing with what is and helping what can be helped. here's to happiness and the pursuit of it. I'll keep you posted on my endeavours.

2008-11-12T11:42:00.000-08:00

wedding fun. we went to a wedding this last weekend and dealey and weddings has proved to be an odd mix and this one was no different my dad ended up spending the majority of the time in the lobby walking around with dealey. poor little guy just can't sit still to save his life or so we thought. He did sit still long enough this past Sunday to get his face painted at a festival our church put on but at the wedding it just wasn't happening. I do have to give props to the couple getting married they made it a very child friendly wedding more so than any other I've ever been to. They passed out coloring pictures and crayons in little baggies as we went into the worship center which was totally cool, he did color for all of 5 minutes maybe. Then at the reception they had chicken tenders and french fries for the kids to eat which was awesome! I don't know about you guys but I've never been to a wedding that had such accommodations for kids. Of course dealey was the cutest kid there in his brown cargo's and argyle sweater (thank you Rana). Here's a few pics of our sweet boy and we got a video of him dancing on the dance floor at the reception I'll try to get that posted later this week but if I don't just know it was too cute and pretty funny,

2008-11-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

halloween...okay okay I know it's way past halloween time but it's been hard to find time to pull the pics off the camera so much so that now I have 3 post worth of pictures on there :o) Halloween was great D really got into it and carried his bucket the whole time and loved that when he went to someones house they gave him something. When we go for walks now he still expects it and trys to walk up to peoples house. We have the boy who fears nothing. So here are some fun pics from that night. Once we got home it was a fun game of dump the bucket over D's head and then pick it all up. We finally decided to let him have a little candy and he loved it, of course. Enjoy our little monkey, we sure do.

2008-10-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

a new thing.....dealey had his first school pictures taken at MDO a few weeks ago and look how cute he is. he did so good for the first school pics of many to come! I love the smirk on his face i think it makes him look even more like me. sorry matt. i also can't believe they got him to sit still and look at the camera even though it was pre-haircut (see below) he looks so grown up.

2008-10-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

it had to be done.....yes I cut dealey's hair the wings where out of control now he looks like a little man. I know so of you loved the wild hair and we did too but it just seemed like time to let go of the baby curls, at least some of them.....

2008-10-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

PUMPKIN FUN...because of my self loathing lately i haven't shared many dealey pics or dealey happens he's grown so much. he's nearly 3ft tall now which is just crazy and talking up a storm. granted most of it is still giberish but it cracks him up! Earlier this week my mom and i went to the Arboretum to check out the pumpkins and walk and I got some great pics of the d man and wanted to share them with everybody. At first he wasn't too interested in the pumpkins he just wanted to play with the clasp on the stroller but he got into after a while once he saw all the other kids playing and having fun. after the pumpkins we wandered over to the water frogs (which d loves) and splashed and played in the water until i got tired of chasing him around...he was soaked.

2008-10-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

MISSING NY & FRIENDS...this time of year is why you move to NY. I was reminded of this when my sweet friend Christine sent me pictures from when they went apple picking a few weeks ago. Something we did with Dealey last year just before we left in NY. side not can you believe we've been back a year? i can't. I wish we had beautiful rolling country sides where we could pick apples and enjoy the company of friends while basking in the cool sunshine a crisp autumn day. doesn't that sound just perfect. i miss ny & our friends christine, steve & eva. sigh....texas may have some great things but it's seriously lacking in areas. check out the pics who wouldn't want to be where they are?

2008-10-21T07:37:00.000-07:00

so it's been months of well let's just be honest sad and pathetic post, but thanks to lovely meds that are finely working and the power of optimism i have to throw out there my new look on life. i choose happiness. that short and rather simple phrase has given me a whole new outlook on life. I haven't looked forward to the future in a long time and now I can't wait to see what happens. so join in the joy and wake each morning and choose happiness.

2008-09-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

It is difficult to live in the present, ridiculous to live in the future, and impossible to live in the past.
Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.

2008-09-14T15:53:00.001-07:00

talentless. have you ever wished you were something or somebody else? had something others had not in an obsessive or envious way but just curious what it would be like? i wish i could be ordinary. i long to not be tortured and drug down by an endless number of creative ideas. i wish i could ask other people how to do stuff instead of knowing how to do so much. i wish i was talentless. even if for a day. i've joked for months about making a tshirt that said talentless so people would never ask me anything. not sure if it would actually work but i think it's time for that tshirt to become a reality before the insanity of my creative mind drives me over the edge. i am now at the point where i can barely sit still to even write this post i have to be doing something every minute of every day. i've heard it's the minds way of coping with anxiety but i don't know if it's healthy just seems a bit maddening at the moment. what would you want to change about yourself if you could be something or someone different for a day?

2008-09-07T18:28:00.000-07:00

I SURVIVED my first sunday football game....but only because we were joined by a few friends they made it bareable, so thank you friends. I have lots to write but can't seem to find the patience to sit down and let it out. so here's a short version. therapy seems to be going no where fast but i'm not giving up and meds still aren't working but my psychiatrist now believes they misdiagnosed the depression and anxiety and i'm actually bipolar. it's a hard truth to swallow but really right now i just want to get my meds right so i can feel better and feel like rachel again. i fear it may destroy my whole world if i don't find some answers soon, some people are being rather impatient and i just feel like a failure......and so we begin another week taking one day at a freaking time.

2008-08-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

no love for sunday or monday....that's right it's my least favorite season....football season. Matt even has Dealey all decked out in Cowboy's gear ready to go and grooming him to be the next Romo. Needless to say Matt will be MIF on sunday afternoon's and monday nights for the foreseeable future......sigh and I will be either 1. lonely or 2. forced to endure hours of football.

2008-08-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

a stupid little thing called love.....so my therapist today gave me homework to write down reasons i should care about myself, love myself and believe that i have self worth. sigh. needless to say it's a horrible assignment and i'm left scratching my head and cussing his name. no i'm not asking you to tell me why i should give a rats ass about myself but i am curious why other's love themselves and believe in their self worth. if you don't want to leave it as a comment you can always email me but either way, how do people love themselves?

2008-08-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

people hate : that's what i have a general hate of people. they lie, steal and cheat you every chance they get and just when you begin to let your guard down something that seems small can fuel the fire of hate. yeah it's a strong word but i'm tired of being hurt by people even worse by strangers. what happened you ask? well i bought a bunch of bath and body works soaps and lotions to put in the bathrooms at the church we keep all that stuff along with extra towels in the cleaning closet for the team to put out on Sunday's i went to get it all because i'm actually going to put it all out this week and it was gone....the cleaning people who come to clean the church took it....soap and lotion, they took soap and lotion, who does that and who takes from a church? ugh, i hate people.

2008-08-18T15:15:00.000-07:00

creating a place of solitude : i've been working on a room at our house that's all my own, my office. a quite place to run away to, to work, to paint, to sew, to play the piano or to just be. I hope to find much peace in my own little slice of solitude. I've already begun my first piece of artwork my first original painting (yes i'll post a pic) and set down and played my piano a number of times....so check out a few pics the poem on the wall i wrote while in the hospital.

2008-08-14T13:30:00.000-07:00

" i have to fight for a life worth living "

2008-08-12T16:37:00.000-07:00

more blocks it is....i finished these for a client ( and friend ) of matt's and mine, leeann. they came together nicely and while all my other blocks have been fun and colorful. leeann's had an element of elegance to them the other's didn't it was kinda cool. the plan square might seem weird to some but they each had a square and her husband works on jets so that's his and the fluer d le is for her. i'm so done with blocks for a while although i have two more projects in mind for the future but for now i don't even want to hear the word blocks for a while...sigh those darn blocks who's idea where these things anyway?

2008-08-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

" if i start with the belief that this world is a f'ed up place, it seems to be much simpler to find reason in the madness..."

2008-08-09T19:06:00.000-07:00

FINISHED PROJECTS : WE BOUGHT THIS DRESSER THAT I SWORE TO MATT HAD GOOD BONES BACK IN MAY AND JUST A WEEK OR SO AGO FINALLY FINISHED THE REMIX OF IT. IT IS FOR OUR BEDROOM WHICH WE'RE DOING BLACK & WHITE WITH A SPLASH OF PINK WE TOOK THE TOP TWO DRAWERS OUT AND MADE THEM A SHELF FOR THE COMPONENTS OF THE T.V. AND WE USE THE 4 DRAWERS FOR STORAGE OF TOYS & DVD'S IT'S CRAZY HOW GREAT IT TURNED OUT CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF....PS SORRY FOR THE DIRTY CAMERA LENSE :O(

2008-08-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

" i can not do everything i've always
done, and that's okay...."

" i think..."

2008-08-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

I FINISHED MY FIRST SET OF BLOCKS FOR A CUSTOMER AND WANTED TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU GUYS. I ACTUALLY FINISHED THEM A MONTH OR SO AGO AND I HAVE ANOTHER IN THE WORKS RIGHT NOW THAT I'M HOPING TO FINISH THIS WEEK. IT'S FUN BUT SCARY TO DO SOMETHING SPECIFIC FOR A CUSTOMER I COULD SEE DOING SETS AND JUST SELLING THEM AS IS BUT MAKING THEM SO PERSONAL FOR SOMEBODY HAS BEEN HARD BECAUSE I'M SO SCARED OF SCREWING THEM UP BUT THEY TURNED OUT FAB AND I CAN'T WAIT TO FINISH THE NEXT SET.

2008-08-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

"life doesn't get easier just because
you wish it to be...."

2008-08-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

" i cannot do everything....."

I MET WITH MY THERAPIST TODAY AND HE SAID RACHEL THERE ARE SOMETHINGS YOU NEED TO MENTALLY CLING TO EVERYDAY WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF STRUGGLING TO DO WHAT'S HEALTHY FOR YOU LIKE SAYING NO OR NOT FINISHING MY LIST SO I DECIDED THAT I'D START A NEW WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT BLOG POST CALLED "TODAY'S REALIZATION" I THOUGHT TODAY'S WAS PARTICULARLY PROFOUND AND IF I CAN REMEMBER AND ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT, I THINK IT MIGHT CHANGE MY LIFE...

2008-07-30T14:25:00.000-07:00

2008-07-29T15:57:00.000-07:00

I KNOW IF I ASKED ANY OF MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS OR A "BELIEVER" HOW TO FIND COMFORT THEY'D SAY JESUS OR GOD, PRAYER OR THE BIBLE BUT WHAT IF FOR ONCE YOU WANTED OR NEEDED SOMETHING MORE TANGIBLE? WHO OR WHAT DOES THE NONBELIEVER TURN TO IN TIME OF NEED? I LOVE THE SONG ANGEL BY SARAH MCLACHLAN AND LISTENED TO IT TODAY THE LYRICS HAVE JUST STRICKEN SUCH A CORD WITH ME THE LAST FEW MONTHS IN MY SEARCH FOR COMFORT AND PEACE IN SIDE A MIND THAT FEELS SO TORTURED. WHERE WOULD YOU TURN FOR COMFORT? A FRIEND? SPOUSE? A SUBSTANCE?

REFLECT ON THE LYRICS FOR A MINUTE TO SEE A BIT OF INSIGHT INTO MY HEART.

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

2008-07-23T19:08:00.000-07:00

MY FIRST ROOMMATE TOLD ME THE FIRST NIGHT " RACHEL, WHENEVER YOU FEEL DOWN A BOUT BEING IN THIS PLACE JUST REMEMBER IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ON A PLANE AND THE STEWARDESS SAYS MOMS IF YOU ARE TRAVELING WITH SMALL CHILDREN PUT YOUR MASK ON FIRST THEN HELP THE CHILD...RACHEL, YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR MASK ON NOW SO YOU CAN BE HERE FOR YOUR FAMILY LATER.....

SO YEAH I SAID ROOMMATE I'VE SPENT THE LAST FEW WEEKS AT THE CRISIS PSYCH CENTER AT THE RRMC BECAUSE I TRIED TO TAKE MY LIFE. I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT TO WRITE THE THIS POST AND DECIDED I HAD TO GET THIS OUT OF ME I NEEDED TO SHARE NO MATTER HOW PERSONAL IT IS BECAUSE I'M NOT ASHAMED TO SAY I'VE GOT PROBLEMS BECAUSE I'M DEALING WITH THEM I'VE GOTTEN HELP EVEN THOUGHT IT WAS WITH RESISTANCE AT FIRST AT I'M HOME NOW AND WORKING HARD EACH DAY TO RESIST THE URGE TO HURT MYSELF AGAIN AND TO MOVE FORWARD WITH MY LIFE. I WANTED TO WRITE THIS TOO TO APOLOGIZE TO MY FRIENDS FOR BEING DISHONEST ABOUT THE PERSON I AM FOR HIDING MY EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS FROM YOU FOR SAYING YES WHEN I WISHED TO SAY NO FOR GIVING UP MY SELF VALUE FOR THE SAKE OF ACCEPTANCE, I KNOW NOW IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE ME AND WHILE I STRUGGLE TO FIND A WAY TO LOVE RACHEL HELL, EVEN LIKE RACHEL IT'S SOMETHING I'M WORKING TO DO.

MATT AND I WILL BE MAKING SOME CHANGES IN OUR LIFE ABOUT ACTIVITIES WE PARTICIPATE IN, IN ORDER TO NOT STRETCH OURSELVES SO THIN SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONAL IF WE SAY NO WE LOVE OUR FRIENDS WE'RE TRYING TO FIGURE THIS ALL OUT. I HAVE 6 MONTH TO A YEAR (AT LEAST) OF THERAPY AHEAD OF ME AND THAT'S ONLY IF I HAVE NO RELAPSES.

I WANT TO THANK SOME VERY SPECIAL NEW FRIENDS OF MINE FROM 4SW @ RRMC RUEBEN, WALLACE, MARY, KENDRA, BETH, KATIE, STEPHANIE, ARIANA, ADRIENNE, CASIE, BLAKE, MAC, EDWIN, KEN , MO ,MYRON, KAHTRYN, MISTY AND MANY MORE FOR MAKING LIFE MORE BEARABLE DURING MY LONG AND FRUSTRATING STAY.

THE LAST THING I WANTED TO DO WAS SHARE A POEM WITH YOU GUYS THAT I WROTE WHILE I WAS IN THERE CALLED...

ISOLATION

I'M LOCKED IN HELL ON EARTH
CAGES ON THE WINDOWS
SOULS THIRST FOR REBIRTH
DARKNESS LOOMS DAY & NIGHT
IN & OUT OF GROUPS I STUMBLE
FOR MY LIFE & MIND I FIGHT
INNER SCREAMS OF PAIN & FEAR
REALITY IS WHAT WE LIVE HERE
NO TIME TO SUGAR COAT THE TRUTH
WE ARE WHO WE ARE
DOWN TO THE VERY ROOTS
ISOLATED & RESTLESS THE NIGHTS PASS SLOWLY
I LAY WISHING I WAS ANYWHERE BUT HERE
WISHING I WAS OUT THESE CAGED WALLS
WHERE ON MY OWN
I MUST TRY NOT TO FALL

2008-07-04T22:17:00.000-07:00

* HAPPY 4TH FROM THE DEALEY MONSTER *

2008-06-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

D's : BIRTHDAY what a day it was we had a great turn out of wonderful friends and family. D got tons of presents even though no one was supposed to bring them and he had a blast. Loved is cupcake and ate the entire thing. The first bite was tentative and he looked at us like can I really have this?! But it didn't take long before he tore it up. A couple of other great moments were when is great aunt Jeri played his birthday song which was "we have to fight for the right to party"! She's nuts but he loved it, next year there will be video of him dancing to it. He got a ROMO jersey from his daddy which he loves and a cool push/ride on cars car from his uncle Chris. Plus shoes and clothes and toys galore and oh, aunt Jeri also got us a car that makes noise and yeah it doesn't have an off button. who's genius idea was that? The kids splashed in the water and i did a life size cutout of Aliza (our dear friends daughter) because she couldn't be there and it freaked so many people out but she made it around in lots of pictures and appeared to have a blast the whole night! So here's a handful of pictures from his first birthday. If you check out my sister-in-laws blog there is a little video of D dancing with his uncle Chad, it's about two or three post down. Enjoy.

Love this next picture, the 3 cousins : Ella, Dealey & Ethan (he's snoozing in the background)